A Message to Raymond, Grammar Troll and Owner of Leaside Paint Centre

Some might call this an unnecessary vent that I probably should just brush aside. To be frank, I haven’t really had the opportunity to rant or vent about anything on my blog since 2009. And really, you can only be polite so much before you explode. So I’m letting myself do just that.

I recently published an article on one of the many guest sites that I contribute to. Most of the time, the comment section is always a cesspool and/or breeding ground of low-lifes and extremists, which I generally don’t complain much about because if there weren’t any bored people on the internet, I wouldn’t have a job. So I let the ugly comments slide.

One thing I don’t stand for are personal attacks. One such individual goes by the name Raymond, who decided it was fitting to take 20 mins out of his day to read one of my articles. Thank you for that, Ray. I can call you Ray, right? I always figure that when you’re on the internet, you can pretty much call people whatever the hell you want, since apparently it’s totally okay to shit on someone for something that, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t actually matter. I could call you shit-bat or dingus, but to be honest, internet trolling? I’m past that. Sound good, Ray? Good.

Here’s the comment.


Raymond didn’t like how I “spelled” the word “queues” instead of “cues”. That’s not a spelling mistake. That’s called a grammatical error. Dude, you shot yourself in the foot.

I mean, I considered leaving a reply – I quit Facebook on a personal level a few years ago, but I do use a Facebook page that I have replied to people before. However I feel it generally doesn’t change the fact that the internet is full of pathological assholes. I considered writing him a direct message on Facebook, thanking him for the feedback but suggesting a better course of action that doesn’t involve being a dickwad. I also felt that wouldn’t fix the bigger picture.

Frankly, I’m tired of internet trolls. I’ve let you run free, burying the internet with negative trash for way too long. So I said whatever – I’m blogging about it. He publicly listed himself as the business owner at Leaside Paint Centre. Apparently Ray spends most of his days selling paint to people, and since watching paint is as boring as selling it, that makes it alright to spend his evenings trolling the internet.

The fact is, I don’t get paid to guest write. I sometimes ask Madaline to edit my work, but she’s far too busy lawyering and stuff. I could pay someone on Fiverr to edit my work, but that would mean I’m paying to blog, which is incredibly stupid in the short term, although inevitable as things pick up. Lastly, I could just spend more time editing my work, but truth be told, I’d rather spend that time making money. If I’m able to squeeze out a few articles in my free time and have a grammar slip, that’s just the way it has to be. Nobody’s perfect all the time, and I’m as Virgo as they come.

Is this petty? Maybe. I would like to think that the overall message isn’t to publicly bash Ray on his habits on his personal time. It also isn’t to rank for “Leaside Paint Centre” so people will read about Ray when they Google his business. That’s why I didn’t link to the article, nor type/index his last name. What I do hope to share are a few pointers to perfect the hard work that is needed to perfect the fine art of trolling on the internet.

First, if you’re going to troll people via Facebook comments, don’t leave your job listed on your Facebook account. Here’s a hint: if you really love to drop the nasty on people, and you just can’t help it, start another Facebook account, because if you can dish it, you can take it. Seriously, don’t put your job, business, or credentials on the line when you’re itching to verbally take down someone for something so inconsequential. Wait, did I spell that right? Ha.

Second, if you’re going to troll people with an insult, don’t make spelling or grammar errors in the process. You’ll look double the stupider. That’s right, I made some shit up just to point out the absurdity of making shit up.

Lastly, if you like trolling, troll full-time. Don’t go spending half your way doing good for your community, while moonlighting as an internet supervillain. Just go full-time asshole. Holding back just shelters the real side of you. Just do what you love best and troll to your heart’s content. Troll your customers. Troll your neighbours. Troll your family. Nobody likes two-faced people. Just be a dick 24/7 and you’ll find more happiness in your life being the dick you truly are instead of being passive-aggressive about it.

Hopefully Ray and other people like him find some solace in their anger issues. There’s bigger fish to fry out there than incorrectly pointing out something that will probably not make the world a better place. Maybe one day I’ll visit this Raymond at his place of business, maybe I won’t. Hopefully he finds something that makes him happy as it sounds like he’s not there quite yet.

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